Free Relationship Advice

The page is part of Ask Jim and is Copyright 2005 J. F. Harrington

Q: Jim, I saw your website and I thought that I should write.

I am 20 years old and a junior in college. I am currently seeing a man who is 28 years old with a steady job. He is a great guy and treats me well and I am falling in love with him and I know that he feels the same way. He is just such a romantic guy. He always does something for me whether it is bringing me lunch while I am working on the weekend or giving me a single red rose or just holding my hand. Sounds great right?

The problem is my parents just disapprove of the whole thing and are adamant about me ending the relationship.

This is the first guy in a long time who has treated me differently and is not afraid to show how much he cares for me. They are against it because of the age difference as well as his "past" which he was straightforward about and told me about when we started going out so it is not like he hid anything from me.

Despite his past he holds a good job in his community, attends church on a regular basis and has turned away from his past which is evident when we are together and in his everyday living.

I just want my parents to realize that the past should be in the past and that people truly can change. He has honestly made a turnaround in his life. What can I do to make them see that? I don't want to stop seeing him.

Thanks!

A: You failed to mention just what this past is.

Was he just paroled from prison for murdering his third wife? I'm kidding....Was he?

To address your question, you can't make your parents see things your way. Stop trying.

Learn to accept their unacceptance of him. They want what they feel is best for their daughter... as you will for yours someday.

Being romantic, flowers, lunch, holding hands etc. is nice but understand it for what it is, attempts to win your favor. It's working.

I'm not saying he's a bad guy, only that holding a job, flowers and romantic stuff don't make up all the characteristics of an honorable partner.

At 20 years old you are still unfolding and discovering who you are. Don't put too much emphasis on this relationship or your parents feelings about it.

Keep your eyes open to the endless possibilities for your future. Concentrate on school too!